New York Isn't So Big Anymore
by Buttons14
Summary: Main storyline: Boots is a Brooklyn newsie, but his love for a Manhattan newsie is threatening his position. Super Song Fic! I need more song ideas! R&R!
1. Nights On Broadway

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic.  
**  
A/n: this is something I like to call A Super Song Fic!!! It's a song per chapter!!! Yeah!  
  
This is 'Nights on Broadway' by the Bee Gees. R&R people!  
  
**Chapter 1: Nights on Broadway  
**  
They were from different sides of town. The Brooklyn newsies and the Manhattan newsies. Even when they went to Irving Hall, on cold night, they stayed clear of each other; Brooklyn was not a force to be reckoned with.  
  
Brooklyn was Spot Conlon and his gang. Boots, his right-hand mane and the greatest supplier of slingshot rocks this side of anywhere, was standing beside the leader in great confidence.  
  
_Hiding in the shadows a few feet away was a group of Manhattan newsies.  
Here we are in the room full of strangers,  
Standing in the dark where your eyes couldn't see me  
_  
Out of the corner of his eye Boots spotted the Manhattan newsies leader, Jack Kelly. He was not yet seventeen but he looked to be a man. Boots stole away from Spot's side and chased Jack through the crowd.  
  
_Well, I have to follow you  
Though you didn't want me to.  
But that won't stop my lovin' you  
I can't stay away  
_  
He watched quietly as Jack sat at a table across the way.  
  
Boots watched Jack and wished things would work out for them. But why should they? They hadn't ever spoken. Why couldn't things work out like in the new Broadway plays? Romantic and heart touching? Unfortunately, there was no room for a gay boy in the streets of New York City.  
  
_Blaming it all on the nights on Broadway  
Singin' them love songs,  
Singin' them straight to the heart songs.  
Blamin' it all on the nights on Broadway  
Singin' them sweet sounds  
To that crazy, crazy town.  
_  
He watched Jack, sighing to himself as he watched the show, before hurrying back to Spot who was surrounded by Brooklyn newsies. Spot glanced Boots' way and shot him a look. Pulling him aside he asked in an accusing voice: "Where were you? Don't run off, OK? They know you my main man."  
  
Boots nodded, grateful that Spot had taken him in, but aching because he was keeping him from Jack.  
  
_Now in my place  
There are so many others  
Standin' in the line;  
How long will they stand between us?  
_  
He gazed across the room and watched Jack. Why couldn't he stop staring at him like this? Why was it so difficult to stop thinking about him?  
  
_Well, I have to follow you  
Though you didn't want me to.  
But that won't stop my lovin' you  
I can't stay away  
_  
Damn New York! Why was he here anyways? Did he really think he could have made it onto the stage with no training and no experience? If he had never gotten the stupid idea to come he never would have met Jack or Spot and he never would have been in Irving Hall tonight.  
  
_Blaming it all on the nights on Broadway  
Singin' them love songs,  
Singin' them straight to the heart songs.  
Blamin' it all on the nights on Broadway  
Singin' them sweet sounds  
To that crazy, crazy town.  
_  
All he knew was what he wanted. He wanted Jack and, he wanted Broadway. They were the only two things that mattered to him right now. He had to feel like the world was right and he had hopes. Just like before Broadway came and stole them away.  
  
_I will wait,  
Even if it takes forever;  
I will wait,  
Even if it takes a life time.  
Somehow I feel inside  
You never ever left my side.  
Make it like it was before  
Even if it takes a life time, takes a life time.  
_  
The only thing that could fill the massive gap that Broadway was his other yearning. Jack. Maybe the Manhattan leader knew a little more than how to hawk a headline. Maybe he knew how to make Boots feel whole again.  
  
_Blaming it all on the nights on Broadway  
Singin' them love songs,  
Singin' them straight to the heart songs.  
Blamin' it all on the nights on Broadway  
Singin' them sweet sounds  
To that crazy, crazy town.  
_  
**[End Chapter 1]  
**  
((That's chapter 1. A few things I need from reviewers, 1) song ideas. Anything you think would be good for this type of fic. Right now I'm looking for upbeat songs. 2) feedback 3) REVIEWS!!! If this fic is continued far enough I also might need come characters. Please don't send in your CC now, just wait until I ask! Thanks!!!)) 


	2. On My Own

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic.  
**  
This is to 'On My Own' from the musical Les Miserables. It's Eponine's song. It makes me hate Marius.  
  
**Chapter 2: On My Own  
**  
The show ends and the newsboys file out onto the street.  
  
Jack stands near the exit lighting a cigarette.  
  
"Good show tonight, eh Jacky boy?" asks Racetrack in that smart-ass way he says everything.  
  
Jack just nods and stares out into the dampened street.  
  
"Worth missing dinner," Kid Blink laughs as he and Mush head back for the lodging house. "Better get back soon Jack! The World waits for no newsie, don't wanna be givin' Kloppman a hard time tomorrow."  
  
The crowd clears and Jack watches especially carefully to be sure that the Brooklyn newsies have left. He waits by the doors of Irving Hall, watching as they shut up the doors and close down for the night.  
  
The last to walk away is Spot Conlon. He always waits to be sure that he doesn't miss any good fights. Usually it's already time for him to get up and sell when he reaches the end of the Brooklyn Bridge.  
  
Jack watches his slump away, staring especially hard at his retreating back as if willing it towards him.  
  
_And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
Without a home, without a friend,  
Without a face to say hello to.  
And now the night is near  
Now I can make believe he's here.  
_  
The city is indefinitely still now and Jack has no doubts that his newsies have found their way home. Unlike the Brooklyn tyrant his newsies weren't under any power on his behalf, he just watched out for them and made sure they had enough to pay for lodging. Spot was the greatest force in newsboy history as of yet.  
  
Jack couldn't be outwardly controlling like that, it was Spot's trademark. Spot. Just the thought of him made Jack's spine tingle with pleasure. That small but mighty force that controlled paper sales better than anyone he knew. Spot was like an idol from above. Jack couldn't help but admire him. Maybe it was a bit more.  
  
_Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head.  
_  
At night time like this, when the streets were still of the hectic city life and the noisy street vendors, Jack would stroll down Main Street and act like Spot was there as his company. As his comrade.  
  
_On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone, I walk with him till morning  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me  
_  
It was strange in a way, like an obsession. He just wants Spot as his mentor and strangely, as so much more.  
  
_In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever  
_  
It was disappointing when someone would make a noise into the quiet air of dusk and allow Jack to realize that Spot wasn't really there.  
  
He had no question that Spot did indeed know his name, but that was about it. After all, it was Spot's self-appointed duty to know every newsie in New York.  
  
It was not yet even the 1900's, a time that was anticipated by newsboys everywhere. A new century meant new fashions, fads and phenomenons. But at this time no one knew what to do with a woman trapped in a man's body. Especially one so cleverly disguised in a newsie leader's flesh.  
  
_And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us  
_  
After the sun rose and Jack could no longer pretend like Spot was talking to him one-on-one the world seemed to speed up, as if racing for night once again. Jack couldn't take one more day of selling papers to people he didn't know or going to bed hungry. At the same time, he had to so that he could make it to Irving Hall next week to see Spot.  
  
_I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone, the river's just a river  
Without him the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers  
_  
'Some day I'll grow out of it' Jack told himself. He can't be stuck like this forever. What's the point in falling over someone who doesn't know you past your name? What's the point in feeling this way for someone who doesn't care whether you live or die?  
  
_I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Without me his world will go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known!  
_  
Jack repeated the reason over and over but it didn't make him feel any better...  
  
_I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own.  
_  
((That's chapter two. So far this story is going all directions Angst...I think I like Angst. Anyways, review!))  
  
**Shoutouts:  
**  
Coin- the Bee Gees are my favourite disco people. Second is ABBA. They're cool too.  
  
Padfootismyhero- you were VERY good for song ideas! Thanks! Always helps!  
  
Cassies-Grandma- they don't have to be about New York. They can be about anything...they can be from other musicals (like this chapter). Thanks for the ideas though!!!  
  
Strawberri Shake- I want to be on Broadway too, you're not alone. My friend Kai want to write a Broadway musical and she says I can play the character based on me! Whoo!  
  
Jacky Higgins- what do you mean Hanson isn't cool anymore? 1) since when do I care about what's cool? 2) I'm buying their CD TONIGHT!!! Anyways, I agree, it's fun being in people's stories! Such satisfaction! Seeing your pseudo name in print...  
  
SparkS- Honey, don't be jealous. No one can be better than me. Joking, you know I don't mean it.  
  
Sorry it took me so long to update, that's how it is with the first chapter. After this it won't take much time at all! 


	3. Bliss

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic. **

A/n: This song is called 'Bliss' by Muse, it was suggested by Padfootismyhero. Thanks to her! Now, go and enjoy everyone!

**Spot**

We walk slowly across the Brooklyn Bridge. Drag a stick along the rail and stare down at the angered river below. Boots is looking especially miserable at the moment and I look at him.

"What the hell are you pouting about?" I get grumpy and impatient when it gets late. Sometimes I just wish Brooklyn wasn't so far from Irving Hall. The damn Manhattan newsies were so close. In the distance the sun is peering out from behind the bridge's iron structure, threatening us with an early daylight.

Boots, though depressed and withdrawn for the moment, is a kid I admire. He has a dream. I laugh at him and we tease his vision of dancing on stage, but it's more than I have, which is nothing. He seems so eager to learn and to live. Why can't things be that easy for me?

**_  
_**_Everything about you is how I wanna be  
Your freedom comes naturally  
Everything about you resonates happiness  
Now I won't settle for less  
  
_

I want him to teach me how to live like that. I want to be carefree and childlike. I want to live my childhood for real, not on the streets surrounded by rough business and paperboys.

_  
Give me all the peace and joy in your mind  
  
_

He's so fortunate and doesn't even know it. I watch him and want to smack him across the face for being this way. Doesn't he see how lucky he is? I don't think Boots has a single enemy in the world, something I can't possibly avoid, no matter how much I try. I'm the most powerful newsie in New York, how can I be expected not to have enemies?

Allies are mandatory, but they're not friends to me like Boots.

_  
Everything about you pains my envying  
Your soul can't hate anything  
Everything about you is so easy to love  
They're watching you from above  
  
_

I want him to teach me. Me, all-powerful, all-knowing, leader of the newsies, Spot Conlon. Boots is my right-hand man, but I don't now a thing about how to ­_be_ him. I can get inside my opponents head, but can I do the same for my friends?

_  
Give me all the peace and joy in your mind  
I want the peace and joy in your mind  
Give me the peace and joy in your mind  
  
_

How can I be expected to settle with what I have when I know what he has? It's like a new Eden. Boots lives in a type of myth imagined in storybooks and imagination only. It's so carefree and innocent, I want to feel that.

_  
Everything about you resonates happiness  
Now I won't settle for less  
  
_

"Boots?" I ask him, readying myself to do something I never do: ask for help. "I need you to teach me."

He looks confused as he tosses a pebble into the river below. "You need me to teach you?"

I nod. "I need you to teach me how to have dreams. How to have fun again."

Boots laughs, as if not believing what I've just said. He sits down with his legs dangling over the edge of the bridge. "You want to learn how to have fun?"

"We're going to be late for distribution," I say, sitting beside him.

For once he tells me what to do. "It can wait. This is more important right now."

I listen.

_  
Give me all the peace and joy in your mind  
I want the peace and joy in your mind  
Give me the peace and joy in your mind_

**(End Chapter)**

((OK, now I need characters. If you could send me your name/nickname, personality, newsie of choice, appearance and whatever else you see fit. Thanks!))

**Shoutouts:**

Jacky Higgins- My babysitter's family loved Hanson. I went out the other day and their CD wasn't in stock! It wasn't there. So I don't have it. 

Padfootismyhero- thank you very much for the song! It fits well. And you're so lucky that you got to sing Les Mis in class.

Coin- nah, it couldn't be a triangle. Spot envies Boots, but he isn't in love with him. 


	4. Wouldn't it be Nice?

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic. **

A/n: this is Wouldn't it be Nice by the Beach Boys. It's on my TIME CD and almost everything on it is good.

**Chapter 4- Wouldn't it be Nice?**

Across the bridge things were run differently than in Manhattan. This, Racetrack had figured out long ago, or at least with enough time to discover how things worked in Manhattan.

"Who're you, kid?" Jack had asked him on the first day.

"Watch who you call 'kid'. The name's Racetrack. I'm from Brooklyn, so I know this gig better than any of you jokers."

Immediately Jack had changed. "From the guide of Spot Conlon?" he asked, eyeing Racetrack with mistrust.

"Yeah, but Spot's nothing special. Just a blowhard." And after that no one even thought about crossing Racetrack Higgins. You had to be pretty badass to insult Spot so openly and blatantly without worrying about he'd do when he found out.

"I left that dump. Manhattan is much...nicer. More sellin' opportunities" he said.

_Wouldn't it be nice if we were older  
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long  
And wouldn't it be nice to live together  
In the kind of world where we belong  
  
_

Every night Racetrack slept in the bed he beat up Snitch to get, forcing Snitch to sleep in Itey's bunk. Never being a morning person it was no wonder how he still was puzzled as to the whereabouts of his cigar every morning, after Snipeshooter stole it.

"Give the damn thing back," he'd snarled the first night.

"You're the new kid, I'm in control for once," snickered Snipeshooter, holding the cigar in his teeth.

In seconds Racetrack was on top of Snipeshooter, pounding at him with his fists and cursing loudly.

"Get the hell off him!" Jack prised Racetrack off and pulled the cigar from Snipeshooter's mouth. "Just get along. I don't want my newsies to be the ones who are uneducated idiots. We're a team. Like a family. I don't want to see anymoiah of this crap."

_You know its gonna make it that much better  
When we can say goodnight and stay together  
  
_"What was the big idea?" asked a girl as Racetrack stumbled into the bathroom. "You've got Jack pissed and now he's gonna to be in a bad mood all day."

"Don' give me lectures. Youse just a stupid goil and I'm sure you think youah better than me anyways."

"I never said that, not that it isn' true and all," she pulled her nutmeg hair into a ponytail. "Just don' piss 'im off so much. He's easy to anger. Oh, and stop stealing Snitch's bed. I can't stand being on a bunk above them, they complain all night."

_Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up  
In the morning when the day is new  
And after having spent the day together  
Hold each other close the whole night through  
  
_"What's her problem?" asked Racetrack, sitting beside a well-built newsie and lighting up his rightly won cigar.

"Who, Mornin' Face? Nothin'. She's usually nice. And I'm Mush, by the way."

"Nice ain't the way to describe 'at girl. She's…Brooklyn doesn' have any goil newsies, y'know?"

"We've got a few here. That's Music," he pointed out a tall blonde girl next to a kid with a crutch, "and that's Coin," he blushed as he waved to her. She walked over and kissed him on the cheek.

"Who's youah friend Mush?" She eyed Racetrack carefully.

_Happy times together we've been spending_

_I wish that every kiss was never-ending  
Wouldn't it be nice  
  
_

In Manhattan everything was different from Brooklyn. There were girls selling papers, fights with the distribution managers and co-ed lodging houses, even though the signs read 'Boys Lodging House'.

"What's up wit the broads?" asked Racetrack.

"Dat's nuttin new over here. Coin and I are in love," Mush told Racetrack proudly, "I'm gonna marry her someday. When we get off the streets."

Racetrack laughed and shook his head. None of this was right.

_Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true  
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do  
We could be married  
And then we'd be happy  
Wouldn't it be nice  
  
_"I wanna talk wit you," Racetrack approached Morning Face at the end of the day.

"I only talk ovah cards," she said, waving away a cloud of smoke.

"Then let's play. About the bunk thing, I ain't switching…"

_You know it seems the more we talk about it  
It only makes it worse to live without it  
But lets talk about it  
Wouldn't it be nice_

After that day Racetrack Higgins didn't discuss the peculiarity of Manhattan. He also didn't give Snitch back his bed.

"You're in Manhattan now, act like it. We sell by day, gamble by night and goils half the time are better newsies than boys." Jack fixed him with a gaze and shook his head. "You really knew Spot?"

**(End Chapter)**

((So far that chapter didn't relate much, but it will, trust me. It's all in the making. Don't forget to review. The CC is still open, if you ant to send in another character.))

**Shoutouts:**

Padfootismyhero- yay! A charrie! I know I made you dislike Race right now, but you're grumpy from being kept up all night.

Jacky Higgins- you like Crutchy? He's soo cute!!! Is the Hanson CD even out yet? Iunno, I'm gonna go check again.

Coin- oh, so you're one of THOSE…the threateners…I don't know any of them…wait, yes I do! Me! That's all really, and thanks for the character!

Erin Go Bragh- thank Padfootismyhero, it was her song choice.

Oh, plus, I liked Jacky Higgins' thing. If you could, send me you character's background and history, just in case I need it later.


	5. The Sweetest Thing

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic.**

A/n: this is 'The Sweetest Thing' by U2.R&R!

Chapter 5: The Sweetest Thing

Racetrack

She sits in the corner, smoking a cigar and dealing out cards to the boys. She's so oblivious to me and my watching her.

"Mornin' Face, can I play?" asks Snipeshooter, settling beside Kid Blink at the card table. She nods slightly and deals him in.

Morning Face, can I play? I want to shout across the room to her, but stop due to my fright and the nervous feeling that has taken over my stomach_._

God knows that she wouldn't ever see me like this, I doubt she knows me outside the Lodging House. I'm just another figure for her to gamble with, for her to win money from. __

"'Eh! Racetrack! Wanna join in a round of poker?" she shouts from the nearby table.

She wants me to and how can I say no?

"Sure, I'll play."

My love she throws me like a rubber ball  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
She won't catch me or break my fall  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
Baby's got blue skies up ahead  
But in this I'm a rain cloud  
You know she likes a dry kind of love  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

She looks at Kid Blink in a way I wish she'd look at me. She's envious of him and she's desiring him. She's leaving me quickly, slipping out of my grasp before I have the chance to actually grab her. It's not fair, Blink has the advantage and I have nothing to call my own.  
_  
I'm losing you  
Hey hey hey, I'm losing you yeah  
Ain't love the sweetest thing  
  
_**Mush**

"Goodnight Coin," I whisper to her every night before we sleep. Sleep. Even here I see her, because she is my dream.

My eyes don't allow me to see any wrong about her, sifting out all the poor atmosphere that may surround her. Love is blinding and love is blackened. She has burned me to a crisp with never-ending promises and dreams of the future. Love is scalding and charred, leaving me in its path until morning when we wake up and I know she's real and I know she's mine.

_I wanted to run but she made me crawl  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
Eternal fire, she turned me to straw  
Oh oh, the sweetest thing  
You know I got black eyes  
But they burn so brightly for her  
Mine is a blind kind of love  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
  
_I made her promises. I told her that we'd get off the streets and we'd be together, but how do I expect to live up to these promises? How can I get us out of here? I'll never make enough money as a newsboy to do these things and being a newsboy is all I know how to do. 

She's going to leave me whet I tell her I'll never be able to give her anything.

_I'm losing you  
Oh oh oh, i'm losing you yeah  
Ain't love the sweetest thing  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
Oh oh, yeah  
  
_**Crutchy **

She helps me up the stairs, smiling politely as I stumble. She never tires of waiting for me, she never seems to be impatient of my natureor my lack of able body. What's the use in saying I'm perfect? Everyone knows it's not true. There are so many things you observe and realize that you'll never be able to do when you're like me. But at least with her I know that there's someone who doesn't care if I'll be able to change the world, she just cares that I can be with her right now.

Nothing's easy and nothing comes without an effort and a struggle. Music is always there though, smiling and helping me up the biggest stairs I'll ever have to climb.

"Promise me you'll always be there, Crutchy," she said one day.

"I promise. I won't leave, I have nowhere to go anyways."

She smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

_Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
You can sew it up but you still see the tear  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
Baby's got blue skies up ahead  
And in this I'm a rain cloud  
You know we got a stormy kind of love _

It's all rough around the edges and I don't think I'll ever get if exactly right, but then it wouldn't be interesting. How mush do you expect living out on the streets like this anyways? Music is already more than I've anticipated.

Jack

I look for a reason to go to Brooklyn and see him. Does he remember my last name?

Is it pathetic how I can't stop thinking about him, even when life is so good here in Manhattan? Spot, how could you reduce me to this? I'm afraid of what may happen and I even more afraid of what might not.

Life will keep going, the earth will keep spinning, and The World will keep printing. There is no time in my life for this distraction. But what if I don't care? Spot, come rescue me! I don't know what's going on and I don't know how to fix it, not that I really want to. Being unsure of what will come gives you a rush. It gives you a indefinite feeling of exhilaration and freedom.

Sweet, bitter longing.

Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
Oh oh, the sweetest thing  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing  
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

[End Chapter]

((That's all. I hope you like how I involved everyone! I'll be away for a while, Montreal. There's more info in my bio. I'm away a lot this summer so I don't know how soon I'll complete this fiction! Review anyways!!!))

Shoutouts:

Jacky Higgins- I went to check your account at fictionpress, but I have trouble reading more than two chapters of the same story at a time. Tell me if you post a new story and I'll be sure to read and review!

Padfootismyhero- I don't think I hurried enough, however, I did just write this whole chapter in school. And I'm uploading it here too.

Coin- thanks for the background!!! Just in case Mush ever tries running a background check on you...


	6. Shattered

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic. **

A/n: This is 'Shattered' by The Rolling Stones. Thanks to Cassies-Grandma for the song suggestion!

**Chapter 6: Shattered **

**Jack **

Life is mundane. It creeps along, never increasing in pace or picking up its tempo. Life is a one-way street and I'm stuck going in circles.

I know what I want, and for once I can't get it. Things are so out of order, they're so complicated and so messed up. I don't know what to think. I hardly know how to breathe without thinking about how he would do the same. Things in New York have changed and I want them to go back to how they were before. Why won't they go back?

_Shattered, shattered  
Love and hope and sex and dreams  
Are still surviving on the street  
Look at me, I'm in tatters!  
I'm a shattered  
Shattered  
  
_

I'm never satisfied anymore. It feels like a weight is always pressing down on my chest, forcing out my lungs so that eventually I'll die in this awkward manner.

I never have sex with people I love, I never feel like Mush does around Coin, or how Crutchy feels around Music. Prostitutes won't be there in the morning to make you feel secure and safe. I don't think I'll ever be able to dig myself out of this hellhole that New York has become.

I don't know what's happened to the city. It's all becoming different. My life before this happened was so carefree and straightforward, now it's confusing, creating millions of different paths for me to follow, none leading to a happy ending. People aren't as friendly as they were a week ago, now they're all cold and look down at me. Do they know something about me that even I don't? I wish they'd tell me what it was.

_Friends are so alarming  
My lover's never charming  
Life's just a cocktail party on the street  
Big Apple  
People dressed in plastic bags  
Directing traffic  
Some kind of fashion  
Shattered  
  
_

There's nothing for me to do here anymore. I'll just continue down this path that consists mainly of whores and alcohol. I need someone to set me straight, to show me how life is supposed to be again. Please, Spot, come help me pick up the pieces and sit with me while I put them together. I don't want to be on the floor my whole life.

_Laughter, joy, and loneliness and sex and sex and sex and sex  
Look at me, I'm in tatters  
I'm a shattered  
Shattered  
  
_

Do you hear me? Do you know that I wish you'd help me? Show me what it's like to be sure like that again. Like you are right now. Everybody's talking about how you know everything, about how you know what life should be. What's it like to live before people judge you? Can you write it out in black and white for me to see?

I need the stature you have in this jaded life. I need to know you're not so different from me.

The world won't be the same again after this. I won't know where to go. I'll forget my way around Manhattan and wander lost until you come and help me find the way home.

_All this chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter 'bout  
Shmatta, shmatta, shmatta -- I can't give it away on 7th Avenue  
This town's been wearing tatters (shattered, shattered)  
Work and work for love and sex  
Ain't you hungry for success, success, success, success  
Does it matter? (Shattered) Does it matter?  
I'm shattered.  
Shattered  
  
_

**Boots**

I'm broken.

The city does nothing but breed disaster. I've seen you coming out of bars, happy from a night of joy: smelling of lust. One minute in this place you have ambitions and the next you're convinced you'll always be a newsboy. Is that what happened to you? Do you need help to figure it out? I can do that.

_Ahhh, look at me, I'm a shattered  
I'm a shattered  
Look at me- I'm a shattered, yeah_

_Pride and joy and greed and sex  
That's what makes our town the best  
  
_

I still know what I've always wanted, but I fear you're in the same boat as Spot. Did you forget why you came here in the first place? Did you forget where you want your life to go from here?

Sure, I've lost my vital ingredient of hope, but I didn't forget what dream it's disappeared from. It's from my dream of the stage. The dream that's ruined my life.

_Pride and joy and dirty dreams and still surviving on the street  
And look at me, I'm in tatters, yeah  
I've been battered, what does it matter  
Does it matter, uh-huh  
Does it matter, uh-huh, I'm a shattered  
  
_

Brooklyn is falling apart on the outside and the inside. All its spirit has died and Spot doesn't know how to fix it. Everywhere is like this. We all go to bed hungry and wake up worse, if at all.

'Only the toughest survive. Fight fire with fire.' How do I do that without destroying everyone else as well? Life is the worst and best thing right now. Bless that you're living, but pray that you're taken from this hell on earth as soon as possible. What would trigger such contrast in two thoughts?

I'm still thinking about you. After that night at Irving Hall I left my mind all over the streets of Manhattan. I can still see you walking away. Away from me.

_Don't you know the crime rate is going up, up, up, up, up  
To live in this town you must be tough, tough, tough, tough, tough!  
You got rats on the west side  
Bed bugs uptown  
What a mess this town's in tatters I've been shattered  
My brain's been battered, splattered all over Manhattan  
  
_

"New York's expanding," Spot said to me one day.

Why? Why would anyone move here? Why did I? The World advertises itself and it's New York. No one sees the slums or the tragedy behind the flourishing Wall Street. No one lives on Wall Street. We hawk headlines, seducing people to our New York. It's all falling down and I'm to blame.

Just leave my New York now. Preserve your dreams now and maybe you'll have a chance of feeling life.

_Uh-huh, this town's full of money grabbers  
Go ahead, bite the Big Apple, don't mind the maggots, huh  
Shadoobie, my brain's been battered  
My friends they come around they  
Flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter  
Pile it up, pile it high on the platter_

New York: a city doomed for all eternity.

**(End Chapter)**

((Sorry if that was depressing, it was fun to write though, believe it or not! Sorry for now updating in a while! I wrote and posted this as soon as I could though, hope you enjoyed it. Once again, thanks to Granny for suggesting this song. Review!))

**Shoutouts:**

Coin- I'm glad you liked it. The poor boys are so Angsty! It's cute!

Padfootismyhero- guess what? I did go to Montreal! And it was great! I met a guy who looked like Specs and took his picture. It was wonderful. Yum, French.

Jacky Higgins- aah! I'm glad you're OK and didn't get hurt in the trailer-thing. I think I'll go read and review one of your stories sometime this weekend. If I have time… and you made a small cameo in this chapter too, congrats!


	7. You Don't See Me

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic. **

A/n: this is 'You Don't See Me' by Josie and the Pussycats. Know I weird choice, but it's a good song.

Chapter 7: You Don't See Me

**Boots **

A guy's best friend can be anything from a person to an inanimate object. I'm tired of thinking about Jack. I pretend like everything's fine and like I don't even know who he is. It's hard. It's so, so hard. How can I deny the one I love?

_This is the place where I sit,_

_This is the part where I love you too much,_

_This is as hard as it gets,_

_'Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough._

Doesn't Jack know I love him? He has to have some idea about how I feel; no one can be that clueless. It penetrates off of me. I'm breaking down, wishing he would notice me and know that I'm here.

Does he know I'm real? Maybe he thinks he's imagined me, I'm as real as I can be. I'm begging that he'll notice me. Please Jack, look up and give me some sign that you know I exist.

_I'm here if you want me, _

_I'm yours, you can hold me,_

_I'm empty and taken' time,_

_But I'm breakin'. _

_'Cause you don't see me,_

_And you don't need me,_

_And you don't love me,_

_The way I wish you would,_

_The way I know you could._

When I sleep he's beside me. It's like Jack knows what I want when I'm asleep, because he always appears by my side. When I wake up he's gone and I don't know where he's gotten. I can almost feel Jack holding my hand and wishing me goodnight. In the morning though, when the sun filters through the windows, he is nowhere to be seen. I wish it were nighttime forever.

_I dream a world where you understand,_

_I dream a million sleepless nights,_

_I dream a fire when you're touching my hand,_

_But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights,_

So I snuck out of Manhattan, the hell that ruined me.

Across Brooklyn Bridge my feet find their way to his lodging house. I knock on the door and Jack answers it.

"Do you have a message from Spot?" Jack asks, oblivious of my real reason to be here.

But I can't speak. I can't say anything in front of him. I just want to watch him and I hope he'll never leave.

"Do you want to come in?"

I step inside and Jack sits beside me on a bunk. Just like every night of my life, but this time it's real.

_I'm speechless and faded,_

_It's too complicated,_

_Is this how the book ends?_

_Nothin' but good friends?_

"I left Brooklyn," I say. "I need somewhere to stay." This wasn't even part of the plan, I didn't think this would ever happen. Spot and Brooklyn were all I ever knew.

_But this is what you _want_ to know_ something reminds me. I have to agree.

_'Cause you don't see me,_

_And you don't need me,_

_And you don't love me,_

_The way I wish you would,_

_(The way I wish you would)_

Manhattan is where I panic. It's where I'm reminded of when I first saw him.

"Do you remember me?" I ask, hoping he does. "I met you once at Irving Hall with Spot."

He nods. "Yeah, what's yoiah name again?"

My heart sinks, he doesn't even know my name. He probably doesn't even remember me, he probably looks right through me.

_This is the place in my heart,_

_This is the place where I'm fallin' apart,_

_Isn't this just where we met?_

_And is this the last chance that I'll ever get?_

_I wish I was lonely,_

_Instead of just only crystal and see-through,_

_And not enough to you,_

"Boots."

He looks unaffected by seeing me. "OK, I'll find you a bunk."

The bunk he gets me is across the room from his and not even on the same level. His is high and mine is low. Just like our spirits. Seeing him is making me suffocate. Before at least I could pretend like he knew me, now I can't even do that because I know he doesn't.

_'Cause you don't see me,_

_And you don't need me,_

_And you don't love me,_

_The way I wish you would,_

"Goodnight," he wishes me.

I bid him goodnight as well, knowing that it will be horrible though. How can it be good if I know he doesn't love me? If I know he only just really met me?

_'Cause you don't see me,_

_And you don't need me,_

_And you don't love me,_

_The way I wish you would,_

_The way I know you could…_

**End Chapter**

((First update in a while, sorry. I was away! Hope you liked the post though. Review please!))

**Shoutouts:**

C.M. Higgins- that's my new favourite word. Astonishing.

Coin- do you like Jack or Mush? Now I'm confuzzled…

Cassies-Grandma- thanks for the songs! Lemme guess your quote, Monty Python. I believe I'm right, thank you, thank you (bow)


	8. Someone to Die For

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic. **

A/n: this is 'Someone to Die For' by Jimmy Gnecco & Brian May (It's from Spiderman2!)

Chapter 8: Someone to Die For

**Spot**

I wake up and roll over. He's gone.

I sit up quickly and shout around the lodging house, in a voice that wakes every boy in the room. I'm cursing loudly and around me they're turning on the lights.

"Where the hell's Boots?" I shriek into the dead of the night, disturbed by my outburst.

No one answers, failing to meet my gaze in the process. I take a swing at one of them. "Don't lie to me you bastard! You know where he is! Where the hell is Boots? Where did he go?"

Oh crap, I can't do it. Not in front of my boys.

I'm going to start crying.

Something's telling me that Boots is gone for good. His pants aren't hanging on the end of his bed and his hat isn't on the bedpost. It's like he never was.

I have dreams now, and then he left. How could he do this to me? How could he give me hope and rip it away? He helped me, but that's nothing compared to what he ripped from my grasp. My life was reworked after he came, but I just went with it, that's the way I do things. I'd do anything for Boots, we were best friends.

_Before you ended, _

_I had a will, but didn't know what it could do,_

_You were abandoned, and still you're handing out what you don't want to use._

_You make me drop things,_

_Like all the plans I had for a life without you._

My boys are turning back over in their beds and switching off the lights, leaving Brooklyn in a disturbed, smooth blackness for now.

Dreams are what make life living. What's the point if there's no reality in those dreams? Life is over when dreams die.

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to fall into,_

_When the world goes dark._

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to tear a whole in this endless night_

_Someone…_

Boots? What's the point? You know. You know everything. Come back and teach me about the dreams again, I'm still not sure I understand what you mean.

_Like you_

Everything's backwards.

Outside the window ay beckons like a set of claw-like hands, grasping at me. Pulling me towards them. I'm so, so weak, I can't fight them. Why should I? My dreams are slipping away first, I should follow and catch them, shouldn't I?

_I'm drunk when sober,_

_The room is spinning,_

_You are what I hold onto_

_You're taking over,_

_I find that giving in is the best I can do_

If I squint in the distance, maybe I'll catch a glimpse of him. Maybe a pathway of unrequited brilliance will show me where he is. But it won't.

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to fall into,_

_When the world goes dark._

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to tear a whole in this endless night_

_Someone…_

Is that where Boots went? Chasing his dreams into the river until everything was as dark as this night without him and everything just ended. Boots is the epiphany of me.

_Like you_

Off of the lodging house is a large floor-to-ceiling window. It's what defines it from the Manhattan newsboy house. It's what makes it mine.

I thrust open the window and scream. I scream a string of nothingness until my throat hurts and my lungs feel as if they'll burst any second. Around me wind blows, sending condensation onto my face, soaking my shirt flat against my ribcage.

"I hope you die," I mutter into the storm, before curling up under the window and closing my eyes.

Sleep…

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to die…_

_Someone_

_Someone_

_Someone…_

Boots, what was he to me exactly? A comrade? A friend?

I needed someone to be there for me, to stand by me and make me feel like they wanted to be around me, no matter how hot-headed and pathetic I was.

What I really wanted was…

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to fall into,_

_When the world goes dark._

_Someone to die for,_

_Someone to tear a whole in this endless night_

_Someone…_

_Like you_

**End Chapter**

((Did you like it? Do I ask this at the end of every chapter? I think so. Please review!))

**Shoutouts:**

Coin- doesn't he though? It's his best…feature…?

C.M. Higgins- he was supposed to help him remember his dreams. This chapter was kinda about that.


	9. Hold On

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic.**  
  
A/n: This is 'Hold On' by Jet.  
  
Chapter 9: Hold On  
  
**Boots**  
  
Things get confusing in Manhattan. Long ago I could see through its transparent façade, but all of a sudden it has become a firm brick wall, making it impossible to penetrate. For some reason Manhattan is more real up close, unlike some things about it.  
  
Jack is not the man I thought he was. He is still a boy of seventeen, still insecure and needy. He is a child obsessed with a leader.  
  
I'm becoming as weak as Jack himself. It is as though my brain has been tied into a million knots. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Obsession with a leader is contagious. I'm slowly beginning to admire one Spot Conlon.  
  
_You tried so had to be someone  
  
That you forgot who you are. _

_You tried to fill some emptiness _

_'Til all your head spilled over. _

_Now everything's so far away _

_That you don't know who you are... _

_You are.  
_  
I used to have Spot. I was his comrade, I'm sure I was his best friend. I thought of his as nothing but overpowering and excessively demanding.  
  
Newsies in Manhattan idolize Spot Conlon. He is powerful, he is tyrannous, he is a king.  
  
_When all that you wanted _

_And all that you have _

_Don't seem so much, _

_For you to hold on to _

_For you to hold on to _

_For you to belong to.  
_  
I'm turning into Jack. It was hard to admire him and know he'd never see me behind my face and my name. So I became him. I am an inner-copy of the Manhattan leader himself.  
  
_When it's hard to be yourself  
  
It's not to be someone else. _

_Still everything's so far away _

_That you forget where you are _

_You are...  
_  
I belong to the unknowing spirit of Jack, but long for Spot. Does Jack feel this way and is this the reason for my transformation?  
  
I don't want anything anymore except for Spot. Except for the one thing I can't have. Helpless.  
  
_When all that you wanted _

_And all that you have _

_Don't seem so much, _

_For you to hold on to _

_For you to hold on to _

_For you to belong to.  
_  
What has become of dreams? Have they been eaten, consumed by misunderstanding and the unimaginable ability to lose ones way? I used to think Manhattan was hell, but once you've been to Brooklyn there is no way to retrieve your soul. Maybe that's why no one's ever left.  
  
Visions of stage are slipping away as I grasp at them. All that is left is blurry headlines and the desire for the end.  
  
_Hold on  
  
Hold on (Hold on) _

_Hold on _

_Hold on _

_Hold on _

_Hold on _

_Hold on (Hold on) _

_Hold on _

_Hold on  
_  
Perhaps imagination is the only thing missing from New York City. Maybe everyone has stopped pretending life is wonderful, ripping down the walls, allowing the awful truth to flood in.  
  
Brooklyn is falling apart and crime-filled, Manhattan is busy, filled with things of mistaken wonder, and the whole of it is exotic, homey, depressing, exciting and life-ruining.  
  
_When all that you wanted _

_And all that you have _

_Don't seem so much, _

_For you to hold on to _

_For you to hold on to _

_For you to hold on to _

_For you to belong to.  
  
_Something deep inside of me assures me I am not the only one living in hell.  
  
**End Chapter  
**  
A/n: nice, depressing little chapter, isn't it? Please review! I can see the end of the fic around the corner, I just have to figure out how to round it off.  
  
**Shoutouts: **

Oh crap. Fanfiction ate my reviews! I know I got some, I remember reading them and someone commenting on how Spot got all wet. Sorry everyone! This is a general shoutout…uh…thanks for reading and reviewing!


	10. Save MeFinale

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies or any of the songs I use in this fic. **

A/n: this is 'Save Me' by Remy Zero

Chapter 10: Save Me

**Jack **

Everyone knows. Everyone knows I'm unreal. I can tell by the way they look at me. _What's so good about Spot?_ I'm not Racetrack, I can't tear myself away from his wonder. Young boys are obsessed with heroic icons. Spot is that for me, except I'm not young, I'm not growing.

I'm going to be old and still not know how to fly because I've catapulted into pathetic obsession. That's what it is, utterly pathetic.

_I feel my wings have broken in your hands_

_I feel the words unspoken inside,_

What can I do to get you to see me? Spot, come rescue me from uncertainty and unknowing. I'll give you all of me, you can have the bunk by the window, you can have whatever you please. Please.

_And they'll pull you under_

_And I will give you anything you want, ohhh_

_You were all I wanted_

_All my dreams are fallin' down._

There's something sad about the way the new kid looks at me. Like I don't know what I'm doing. I try to make good with him, he knew Spot. He was Spot's right hand man. I want to be that man. What will it take? I grasping to hold on as long as I can, but Spot is mocking me from where he watches. I'm not worth this.

_Crawling around, round, round_

What can I do to change this? Life won't continue after this. It will cease. It will shrivel up and remind me of the days of my obsession. Of my addiction.

I don't have or even know love. All I know is my own life and all I have is the urge to quit and run. Run from my boys.

_Somebody save me_

_Let your warm hands break right through me_

_Somebody save me_

_I don't care how you do it,_

Spot calls to me in my dreams. He wouldn't run away, would he? He'd stick it out. Maybe he'll come here, maybe he'll make everything better. I'll hold on. And he nods and embraces me, but only not in reality.

"Just stay Jack," he says, smiling softly and gazing at me with loving. _Yes sir, for you I'd do anything._ And I curl up and hope he never leaves my mind. Cursed is the day I forget Spot Conlon.

_Just stay, stay,_

_C'mon, I've been waiting for you._

**Boots **

Jack, you've changed me. You've pulled me into the mystery that is you and I don't know how to surface again, I don't know how to return to the real world. You are alluring and repulsing. When I'm away I want to be close to you, but when you linger I pray that you leave me alone with my misery. I wish I never left Brooklyn and that I never came to Manhattan.

_I see the world has folded in your heart_

_I feel the waves crash down inside_

_And you've pulled me under_

Spot, please, take me back. I'll give you whatever you want. I just want you by my side, watching me and being there for me. I'd be there for you. I always was, until I left.

Spot didn't have any, but he made my dreams seem more real, more vivid. Jack's dreams are killing mine, making me forget all about who I am.

_And I will give you anything you want, ohhh_

_You were all I wanted_

_All my dreams have fallin' down._

I'm scrambling for a reason for you to accept me, Spot. I don't care what it is, I just wish I never let you go.

_Crawlin' around, round, round_

I want to feel your hand on my shoulder. I want to shake your hand, become bonded with you for a second of delight. For a while I will think about this, but when I come to I'm assured that you've forgotten all about me. You have better things to do.

Goodbye sweet future.

_Somebody save me_

_Let your warm hands break right through me_

_Somebody save me_

_I don't care how you do it,_

**Spot **

Come back! The bastard. _You_ bastard. Boots. Why would you leave me here like this? You know what it's like for me to be alone, helpless and fooling the world. I can fool them, but I haven't figured out how to fool myself. I don't know how to make things better again.

_Just stay, stay,_

_C'mon, I've been waiting for you._

As soon as you left the clever display of my ambitions was shattered. Something about you made these things possible and without you I can't glue everything back together. I'm scrambling to pick them back up, but they've become clear and invisible. They're drifting away like wisps of smoke, twirling to the ceiling and disappearing. I may never see or remember them again.

_All my dreams are on the ground_

_Crawlin' round, round, round_

Tear me apart Boots! You're the reason for my dreams being alive again and you're the reason for them leaving again. Like a sad, twisted story. My life. Rip away at my chest, please, ruin me physically, I want to look on the outside how I feel on the inside. Full of hatred and longing. Longing for life that you tore away.

What does it matter what you do to me now I doubt I will notice. Or, if you came back you wouldn't have to. We could just ignore my pain and live like before, when everything was alright and everything had a reason. A good reason.

_Somebody save me_

_Let your warm hands break right through me_

_Somebody save me_

_I don't care how you do it,_

_Just stay with me,_

I'm the one who introduced you to this. I gave birth to the life you know. Without me…without me you'd be…better off. I'm ruining you and myself. Without you I'd be sinking into the darkest and deepest hole of depression anywhere. Without you I'd be gone.

You don't need me. It's the opposite.

_I made this whole world shine for you_

_Just stay, stay,_

_C'mon, I'm still waitin' for you._

And still you're not back. What's the point in waiting for something you'll never have? That's right, there isn't one.

**End **

There you have it faithful readers! I know it leaves you hanging, but it kinda leaves you wanting more. Lets' say…the next morning David turns up at the distribution post and the strike is underway. Spot and Boots put on happy faces when they see each other later, but what do they feel under? My God, I have to watch the movie. I'm going insane!

**Shoutouts:**

Once again, I have lost the reviews! They are missing and won't return!!! Sorry everyone, I appreciate your reviews though. Please review this last chapter. Cheers and good reading!

Oh, and I can continue the stuff with Morning Face, Music and Coin. If you want. Tell me! 


End file.
